"Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field. I'll meet you there."
- Rumi, 12th century philosopher
Your relationship with your spouse is about to change. Yes, divorce is the next step. For many, divorce is the most painful experience you will ever go through. The world as you knew it, is often turned upside down, your thoughts and feelings are churning, and friends don’t want to hear about it anymore. If you have children, you are wondering about them. How will all of you move through this transition in a way that will keep an eye on the best interest of your family?
How do you handle all the details? Divorce is not simply an ending, It is a new beginning. How you handle all the details will determine how you and your spouse will get along in the new relationship you are beginning.
The decision to divorce is an emotional one. Your decisions regarding how to begin the process may determine the end result of the divorce, the type of future that you and your spouse may have, and how the children may adjust.
You can choose to do battle. You can choose to let someone else decide who gets what. OR – you can choose to work with your spouse to address the needs, interests and objectives each of you have for the future and decide how to best meet them. Although divorce may be inevitable, Collaborative Divorce insures that it does not have to be unbearable.
At the center of the collaborative process is the participants’ shared belief that it is in the best interest of the family to resolve their differences without resorting to litigation.
The three key elements to the collaborative process are:
- The voluntary and free exchange of information.
- The pledge of NO COURT DIVORCE (no litigation), with withdrawal of both attorneys and other team members if either party litigates.
- A commitment to respect for both spouses’ shared goals.
In a collaborative divorce process, you will be assisted in resolving all the issues of your dissolution WITHOUT GOING INTO A COURTROOM. The collaborative team has an absolute commitment to settlement, while allowing you to retain the decision making power The team helps you to move forward in awkward and uncomfortable times while recognizing that divorce is MORE than just a legal event. You and your spouse will choose your collaborative team at the inception of the case. Each will choose a collaborative attorney and a Divorce Coach, and together, you will select a neutral Financial Specialist and a Child Specialist.
As your Divorce coach, I will assist in facilitating communication between you and your spouse, and the rest of the professional team. I will help you to develop a co-parenting plan that WILL WORK, while helping you to keep separate your highly volatile emotions, so that they do not interfere with sound decision making for your future. I serve as your very own “personal trainer”. Through the divorce process, helping you to focus on the real issues of the future – not past angers, hurt or disappointment. Issues will be turned into interests, as you learn new problem solving skills for conflict resolution and post-divorce parenting.
For those of you who want to remain whole after the divorce is over, who want to spare your children the anguish and grief you are experiencing, and who truly want to establish a healthy co-parenting arrangement with your former spouse, Collaborative divorce may be your best answer.
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